Here my Facebook post today:
More tweaking was needed! Spent much of the day inspiring my teen & helping her to re-organize her home school environment, schedule & resources. Which I have to say can look and feel more like arguing when dealing with a teen & a very strong mama bear personality! Proud of us girls, for hanging in there, letting go ...and listening.... Viola! It is done! Emotionally exhausted and my creative parent energy is spent!
Inspiring her to re-do something she really didn't want to do only worked because I paid my dues and became the change I wanted to see in her, and because we made an upfront contract with her that certain things be done.
My husband and I have a weekly meeting, note books and all, we talk about the kids, grand-kids and make plans. This meeting keeps us focused and we noticed right away that our 14 year old was not going to be able to keep all of her commitments organizing herself the way she had been.
At our daily fifteen minute homeschool meeting I continued to ask her about how things were going, each day the defensiveness got higher and higher. So I tabled most of the home school talk and only called her on the have to do things, like chores and animal care and I turned around and focused on me. I spent some time for the last couple of weeks tweaking my life and nonchalantly telling her about it, the big thing was getting to bed earlier, better nutrition and less TV.
Then we let her fail (very hard to do when other adult tutors and mentors are involved, but we did). She was feeling bad about herself and I didn't save her. Today came to a head because she asked... and it was time to hold her accountable.
It wasn't pretty at times, but I am thankful for the creative thought I now give to inspiring and not requiring, if the emotions got high, the reminder was there to change the energy, get creative or just listen!
Years ago today would have been a big fail for all of us! My new mantra inspire not require, inspire not require...
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